The Lost One - Council Suit

Who are you?
I am the one who is lost.
I am the one who is afraid I cannot find my way back.
I am the one tossed aside and forgotten.
I am the one who is lonely and scared out here on my own.
I am the one with no strength to fight back.
I am the one who has lost my path and my balance back to center.
I am the one who walks the outskirts on the edge of town afraid to get near anyone.
I am the one wanting to trust the person that finds me.
I am the unmotivated wandering soul.

What do you want from me?
I want you to widen out and trust people again even though it is a risk. They may hurt you again.

What do you have to give me?
Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself. Trust the process. You may feel like you are aimlessly wandering but solitude has it's merits sometimes.

I know I've been avoiding people for a while now. I just don't feel comfortable around people. I know that I'm guarded and introverted in groups. And trust me, I have a lot of anxiety when I get into groups of people. I do enjoy being alone. I should say, I feel comfortable being alone. I used to have friends and hang out with them. I used to go out of my way to be with them. I just wanted to have a good time and didn't want all the drama that having girlfriends entails. But I had to deal with it, whether I liked it or not. And let's not mention when you get men involved, they always manage to get in between friendships. I like my life now. I'm settled and stable and I don't want it disturbed or ruined by DRAMA. Yeah, it gets lonely at times, but I just remember the bad things about having friends and I don't miss it so much. I've always felt like an outcast, my entire life. Maybe I just got used to it and I don't need people around. I've just had my heart broken too many times, I protect it and guard it. I won't let them hurt me again.

"People can be so cold,

They'll hurt you and desert you,

Well, they'll take your soul if you let them

Oh yeah, but don't you let them..."

-James Taylor, You've Got A Friend, 1971

Making SoulCollage Cards for each year?

I thought of an idea today and I wanted to jot it down here before I forgot it. I thought of making a card for each year and include images and personal photos that represent that year for me. For example, the year I was born, 1973 could include my birthday photo from the hospital, a scanned image from my footprints on my birth certificate, and some other images that represent the year I was born. Not sure what suit they would qualify as, possibly the Council suit, under Time or Community, since they represent the culture and events of that year that directly related and possibly influenced me.

Kind of similar to the milestone signs that you can get in gift shops but with more images than text and personalized for me. I wonder if this is appropriate for a SoulCollage card. I guess anything goes, since they are my cards, after all, there is no SoulCollage Police!

Climbing up to Pike's Peak - Fear of the Unknown

We took a trip to Denver this week and traveled down to Colorado Springs and Pike's Peak, more info here. We traveled all 14 miles up to all 14,115 feet to the summit top. My husband drove and we were both terrified once we passed the treeline. A small winding road led us to the top and it kept going around and then back. While going up the switchback, the road seemed to disappear into the heavens! We didn't know if we were ever going to reach the summit.
However, on the way down, I had very little fear at all. Why? Well, for one thing, I could see far in front of me, and I had already went up the hill so I knew what to expect.

I got to thinking, is our fear of the unknown so strong that it ruins the experience? Or is knowing, as an adult now, all the bad things that can happen, making me even more fearful. I'll admit my imagination got the better of me, and on the way up, I kept picturing us sailing off the edge like Thelma and Louise. I just remember how paralyzing it was to be so terrified going up. Is that what is holding me back in life? My fear of the unknown? Maybe on the way down, I had just given up worrying and figured, "Well, if something bad happens, it happens, I might as well accept my fate." I think having that attitude of acceptance really helped me enjoy the experience. The view was like nothing I had ever seen, so spectacular! It made the terrifying trek up the mountain worth it.

2008 SoulCollage Training Retreat

I was digging around in some old photos and stumbled across these photos from when I attended the SoulCollage Facilitator Training in Baltimore, MD in October of 2008. It brought so many fond memories of that time. I just loved Seena, she was so patient and kind, the embodiment of kindness I would say. The whole occasion was a complete delight, I'm so glad I was able to "seize the moment" and attend. 

Seena signing my book at the SoulCollage Training in Baltimore in 2008

Seena's card deck in her handmade storage box

Another view of Seena's card deck and box

All of our cards in a circle